Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
