I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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