either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
