so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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