I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
