I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
