your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
