apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
