I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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