I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
