Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
