you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
