I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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