So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
apparently the secret to your success is patron
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
