Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
