it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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