would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
