After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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