At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
