he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
