Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
