just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
