I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
