FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Enjoy the penises
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
