I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
