put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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