his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
