am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
