He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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