When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
