I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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