wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
