I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
