We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
