a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Randomize
