I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
