Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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