at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
