I just saw a hot homeless man
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
