i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
