I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
