His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have post one night stand depression
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
