I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
