We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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