just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
