from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
