i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
