There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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