Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
