I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
