so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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