No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
